Mushrooms & death

The man in the white van was waiting for her, waiting for an opportunity to kill her. Earlier she had seen the Nun from the nearby Covent, she was carrying a gun under her habit. The postman days before had tried to get into her flat, he had banged on her window demanding she let him in. He had snarled at her & told her he would ‘get her’ soon.

She was terrified, unstandably. Why would this be happening to her? Why did anyone want to harm this gentle, loving, caring woman who had done nothing but try & help people her whole life. She had trained to be a psychiatric nurse & was a bloody good one at that. Aunty Mary had been in the hospital, she had been in there since she was a child. My mum looked after her & it was probably the first time she was ever shown any real love & attention. Mum would organise curry nights, movies & even fancy dress, none of which some of the patients had ever had the pleasure of. She was good at her job & was passionate about it, everything would be done properly, no short cuts, just good honest care.

One morning mum went to work really early so she could go & pick the ample mushrooms on the field next to the hospital. She would bring them home & we’d have them the next day for breakfast coupled with bacon & egg. It was a crisp autumn morning & the dew was still on the grass, Mum headed over to a huge tree in the field as this is where the biggest mushrooms grew, that’s when she saw him.

He was dangling from the centre of the tree. All colour from his face gone, arms limp by his side, feet pointed downward almost like a balerina standing on tiptoes. She didn’t know how long he’d been there but she knew he was dead.

I wonder if all these experiences she was  having was working for so long in the hospital & seeing so many awful things that eventually contributed to her cracking up as it were. Of course there was no gun wielding nun. The man in the van was probably just having a break & wondering why this woman was glaring at him from her flat window. The postman probably got pissed off that she hadn’t opened the door to him & taken in the parcel for the neighbour, but to her, it was very real & who was I to say differently? I wasn’t there.

#mentalillness #delusions #psychosis #mentalhealth #hallucinate